I was greatly amused by this article (found through WSJ's Best of the Web), which *giggle* reports that a total of four students have *snicker* fallen out of bunkbeds at a certain school, and this is a lot considering that school has just started, so *snurf* the school is going to insist on *teehee* guardrails being installed on beds that don't already have them.
How callous of me to poke fun at poor, injured students from some elementary boarding school, right? Think again. The school in question is the University of Buffalo:
Four University at Buffalo students have injured themselves falling or jumping out of bunk beds in the first month of school, an unusually high total that concerns school officials.
"...or jumping?" The hell? Jumping implies intent, in which case the administrators should invoke Darwin's theories and remove all guardrails at once. Perhaps the students jumped because they were late for class; perhaps they jumped because they were suicidal over having to take a statistics class this semester, and they were too lazy to drag their tails out to the nearest bridge.
Either way, why's the U of B administration got to be involved when adults choose to jump from a bunkbed? What's next, height markers on the walls in the manner of depth markers on pool perimeters?
In response, UB administrators are warning students to be careful when using the beds, and the school is ordering guardrails to install on all beds that don't already have them. The series of accidents is surprising to officials, who say UB typically receives one report a year of a student falling out of a bed.
You know, I did a lot of wild and stupid things in college. Things I won't write about here, because I know of at least one minor that reads this blog (Hi, J!). But I never did anything quite so wild as majorly hurting myself falling off a bunkbed, nor anything so stupid as reporting it to the college. I mean, seriously. Who tells their campus administrators that they fell out of bed?
"It's an unprecedented situation for us," said Joseph J. Krakowiak, director of UB's residence halls. The students who fell reported minor injuries - the most severe was a broken ankle - in incidents that took place over the past four weeks in UB residence halls, said Dennis R. Black, vice president for student affairs.
Okay, are they all fallers now? Or do we still think some of them were jumpers? Man, that suicidal one must be pissed about that broken ankle. And if that's the most severe injury, why were the other three reported at all?
There's no common thread among the accidents, Black said. In one case, for example, a sleeping student either heard a phone ringing or dreamed she heard a phone ringing and hurt herself when she jumped out of bed to answer it.
*mgphfhg* Okay, I will not laugh, I will not laugh...
In another, a student woke up one morning to find himself lying on the floor next to his loft bed and sporting a bloody lip, Black said. The student could only assume he fell out of bed but wasn't jarred awake.
*snortpdmhpgh* Okay, so he's a jumper AND he has blackouts. Or maybe he got the bloody lip somewhere else and just passed out on the floor?
Another student fell when she eschewed the bed's ladder and tried to climb down onto the top of a nearby desk.
Bahh hha hah hhah! I mean, come on. If she was the one with the broken ankle, then I feel bad for her, but surely it's not the college's responsibility to make sure that she comes down out of bed in the proper manner in the morning, is it? Suppose the guardrails were there and she just clambered over them to step onto the desk, and then subsequently slipped and fell after landing on a pencil? What's the college supposed to do then, lash students into bed at night and unstrap them in the mornings?
This last accident, though, given that it was in the morning, is the one most attributable to muleheaded stupidity, and least attributable to alcohol. I find it very interesting that this article doesn't even mention that most famous of balance/judgment destroyers until the verrrry end, nor does it report whether intoxication was related to any of these accidents - and we know it had to be. That guy on the floor with a black lip? Please. If his veins contained more red blood cells than Rolling Rock, I'd be surprised.
The loft beds in use at UB's dormitories typically aren't used as bunk beds in a traditional sense, with two students sleeping one above the other. Most often, the UB beds are raised as much as five feet off the ground so that students can fit storage boxes, a computer desk or a chair underneath.
So, five feet. Not that low to the ground. About nose- to chest-level with most students. You'd think that young adults smart enough to get into college would eye this distance and wonder if maybe it wouldn't be a good idea to plan on sleeping on the floor when inebriated, or to make sure to use the ladder that the school so thoughtfully provides.
The university sent an e-mail to students last week urging them to be careful in using their loft beds, particularly if they've consumed alcohol or used drugs or medication. The e-mail also asked students if they want a rail installed now or if they want their bed lowered to the floor.
Actually, considering how often college students engage in binge drinking, I'm sure there were more falls than were reported. During Pledge Week people were probably dropping like coconuts throughout the dorms. And it's not that I don't think guardrails would be a useful feature on beds placed that high. I just think it's ridiculous that the tone of this article, and the administrators' comments, seems to be that everything that happens inside a dorm room is U of B's fault, and that students just can't be expected to be responsible for their own choices, be they beer-drinking or ladder-avoiding ones.
Posted by kswygert at September 24, 2003 04:09 PM