August 06, 2004

No, "Quinlynne" is not a word

I just have to share this with you, not least because I know some of you out there teach in public schools and have most likely run across some, er, inventive names for kids. There's a webpage called Bad Baby Names on which a woman (named Diana) has cut-and-pasted the most hysterical lines from online forums for new parents choosing baby names, and then posts her commentary afterwards. It is utterly hysterical, and yes, you MUST read all 15 parts.

I can't pick a favorite exchange, but here are a few (comment from clueless parent in italics , responses from Diana in bold):

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We have one daughter, Haley Matisse. We're trying to decide which girl name to use next....
The list we can agree on (at least to consider) follows:

*Alyssa
*Anneleise
*Caitlin
*Carrigan
*Gentry
*Makenna/McKenna
*Merrigan
*Mia
*Reese

We'd like to use Shaye, Grace, Raine or Catherine as the middle name if possible.

Oh where to start!?

a) 20 bucks says if you asked Haley Matisse's mom, "Like the painter?" she'd have no clue what you were talking about. Much like Monet, it has become trendy.

b) She neglects the obvious names: Pablyn Picasso, Markenna Chagall, JoAhn Miro.

c) Merrigan is definitely a new one for me. I prefer Mexigan - it sounds so much more confused.

d) Gentry. (sigh.) MyddleKlas? Boodgewassey? (I'd suggest Hegemony but I'm afraid someone will take me up on it.)

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What do you think of the name Allegra? It is Italian and means cheerful & lively.

Side effects are low in seasonal allergy users and may include headache, cold, or back pain. People with kidney ailments should consult their doctor before taking Allegra. Look, it's just your bad luck when a product or TV character or popular porn star or Rick Santorum ends up having your name, but if they came out with it first....just walk away.

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Here is a sample from Names Through the Ages by Teresa Norman.
Female names:

Aelfreda- elf strength
Agatha- pure, strength
Beatrix/Beatrice- bringer of happiness
Eadu-wealth
Edith-wealthy battle
Everild-boar battle
Muriel-sea bright
Osthryth-Gods strength
Sigga-victory
Theode-people,nation

Male names:

Adhelm-noble helmet
Beorn-warrior, brave
Cenwig-brave in battle
Dunstan-hill stone
Eadmund-wealthy protection
Eadulf-wealthy wolf
Godric-Gods ruler
Heahstan-tall stone
Tunric-town ruler
Tunwulf-town wolf

I don't really need to say anything here, do I? I mean, really, we're mostly adults here, we're reasonable people - do I really have to say anything about a name that means "wealthy wolf" and sounds like chronic sinus congestion?

Baby naming bulletin boards are peppered with people like this posting massive lists of medieval Norse, or Welsh, or Celtic names and their (cough) meanings. (Any Spanish or Italian or Greek or Farsi or Korean or Aztec or Egyptian or Gabonian names? No. Just the uber-pale peoples of the world.) Hiding amongst them are always a couple acceptable names, and the rest are chorus parts from Wagner's Ring cycle.

I'll be honest - I have no freakin' clue what these people are trying to accomplish.

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my hubby got on a kick of the names rhyming, believing we would have no more. lol, we are due in nov! so, i am in a tight place. my dd is kaesyn paige,(jason w/ a "k"), and my son is richard brycin (goes by mn).

if this bb is a girl, her name will be adecyn shai (addison shay)...

i need a name w/ the "sin" sound, not the spelling! lol! i am not fond of jaxon, but my dh likes aryxon (erikson) and i am fond of tycen. ...

New naming rule: If in typing the name out you have to follow it immediately with another version in parentheses, because otherwise no one would have the slightest clue this was supposed to be a name and not Klingon for "Wax my forehead, supple wench," this is a bad, bad, woah bad bad name.

And with that - have a great weekend!

Posted by kswygert at August 6, 2004 03:26 PM
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