Zero-tolerance travesties continue to move further into the land of surreality:
A Jefferson Parish fourth grader has been suspended for taking what's being described as a look-alike drug to school. Eight-year-old Kelli Billingsley brought homemade Jell-O cups to school at Boudreaux Elementary. Her mom says the school tested the Jell-O and determined it didn't have any alcohol in it. But the school suspended the girl for having a look alike drug.
The girl's mom says her daughter was just trying to make a treat for her friends.
The superintendent of Jefferson Parish schools says she will investigate the case.
Stay with me here. One possible explanation for why the school is suspending this fourth-grader (!) is because the only experience the school administrators in question have with Jell-O is through Jell-O shots. So they assumed this fourth-grader (!) must have brought an alcoholic treat to school, and they tested them. There was no alcohol in the Jell-O, of course, but the administrators assumed that non-alcoholic Jell-O was no different than, say, kids drinking water out of shot glasses, and we all know water is a lookalike drug to vodka. And that's totally against the rules. Right?
Or, it could just be that the administrators in question are totally insane. Your call.
Update: Looks like BOTH explanations may be a factor here:
The incident occurred Nov. 29, as the girl stood after classes outside Geraldine Boudreaux Elementary School in Terrytown, a New Orleans suburb. A teacher spotted liquid dripping out of the student's bookbag and found what looked like the small cups of alcohol-laced gelatin that are sold in bars, schools spokesman Jeff Nowakowski said.
The girl told the principal that her mother, who works in a bar, makes alcoholic shots at home and sells them at work. The fourth-grader said her mother had instructed her to take the shots to school and sell them, three for $1, to make some money for Christmas, Nowakowski said.
That's the part that's explained by assuming the school thought these were Jell-O shots.
The gelatin was turned over to the sheriff's department for testing to see if it contained alcohol. The girl was suspended for violating school rules against possessing or trying to distribute a "lookalike," or something that appears to contain drugs or alcohol.
Under the lookalike rule, the girl's suspension will stand no matter what the sheriff's department finds. "The school system's position is, it doesn't matter if it had alcohol in it or not," Nowakowski said.
And that's the part that's insane, because even fourth-graders know that IT DOES TOO matter if there's actually alcohol in the treats or not. If the punishment for regular Jell-O and Jell-O shots is the same, why not bring the alcoholic version? (I'm thinking of teenagers rather than fourth-graders here.) And, once again, has the school considered that water is an awfully good lookalike for vodka?
Posted by kswygert at December 7, 2004 03:57 PM