How could I have missed this groundbreaking educational article from the Onion?
A Department of Labor report released Monday finds that America's high schools are not sufficiently preparing emerging dropouts for the demands of unemployment. In a letter introducing the report, Labor Secretary Elaine Chao explained that schools routinely fail to impart dropouts with the critical lying- and sitting-around skills they need to thrive in today's jobless market."Our public high schools place too much focus on preparing kids for professional careers," Chao said. "This waste of resources leaves our dropouts, the majority of whom have no chance of ever finding a job, wholly unprepared to sleep till 1 p.m., or watch daytime television while eating ramen noodles out of an upturned Frisbee."
According to the study, America's weakest academic performers also drop out of high school without ever having learned to steal beer money from their housemates' change jars or wash their hair with bar soap.
Or without having learned that napkins, toilet paper, and cleaning products need not be bought when the local McDonald's offers all of these household goods for free. Of course, I had to make it the point of being a broke-ass graduate student before I learned all that.
Secretary of Education Margaret Spellings defended the nation's public-school system. "Educators do a lot to ensure that the most hopeless students slip through the cracks," Spellings said. "Arbitrary rules, irregularly enforced discipline, and pointless paperwork are just the first things that come to mind."She added: "Easy grading encourages students to be sloppy and late handing in homework—a skill that makes future deadbeats very competitive in stonewalling landlords and bill collectors."
Thanks to all who sent this in - and if you see any humorless, whining articles in response, let me know.
Posted by kswygert at August 9, 2005 05:59 PM