First we have stores posting etiquette rules for children and parents, and now even the NYTimes wonders if kids are going too far:
CHILDREN should be seen and not heard" may be due for a comeback. After decades of indulgence, American society seems to have reached some kind of tipping point, as far as tolerance for wild and woolly kid behavior is concerned.Are children ruder now than in the past? Do parents care? Last month, an Associated Press-Ipsos poll found that nearly 70 percent of Americans said they believed that people are ruder now than they were 20 or 30 years ago, and that children are among the worst offenders. (As annoyances, they tied with obnoxious cellphone users.)
The conservative child psychologist John Rosemond recently denounced in his syndicated column the increasing presence of "disruptive urchins" who "obviously have yet to have been taught the basic rudiments of public behavior," as he related the wretched experience of dining in a four-star restaurant in the company of one child roller skating around his table and another watching a movie on a portable DVD player.
To begin with, if you can afford a four-star restaurant, you can afford a babysitter, so this is not a "the kid has to come along" situation. We have worse problems than manners here; we have affluent parents who apparently see no distinction between what's appropriate for adults and what's appropriate for children. How can society possibly help correct these kids if the parents are so blind?
...what seems to have changed recently, according to childrearing experts, is parental behavior - particularly among the most status-conscious and ambitious - along with the kinds of behavior parents expect from their kids. The pressure to do well is up. The demand to do good is down, way down, particularly if it's the kind of do-gooding that doesn't show up on a college application.
I suppose the roller-skating in ritzy restaurants counts as "extracurricular activities."
Once upon a time, parenting was largely about training children to take their proper place in their community, which, in large measure, meant learning to play by the rules and cooperate...Rude behavior, particularly toward adults, was something for which children had to be chastised, even punished. That has also now changed...Educators feel helpless, too: Nearly 8 in 10 teachers, according to the 2004 Public Agenda report, said their students were quick to remind them that they had rights or that their parents could sue if they were too harshly disciplined. More than half said they ended up being soft on discipline "because they can't count on parents or schools to support them."
I agree entirely that teachers feel like they have their hands tied with brattish behavior in schools. However, I find it very hard to believe that the new pressure to achieve in schools is partly the cause of this:
Parents who want their children to succeed more than anything, Dr. Kindlon said, teach them to value and prioritize achievement above all else - including other people."We're insane about achievement," he said. "Schoolwork is up 50 percent since 1981, and we're so obsessed with our kids getting into the right school, getting the right grades, we let a lot of things slide. Kids don't do chores at home anymore because there isn't time."
Bullspit. Children can learn manners without having to do chores, and hitting the books does not mean parents have no available time left to teach proper behavior. It's hard to believe that there are scores of parents out there who value education so highly that they place it above all else, even table manners.
I think what we're seeing is a new influx parents who don't believe in discipline, who want to be "friends" with their kids, and who don't teach them any useful skills at all. These kids would be doing poorly in school except that now there is pressure on school to raise test scores, so the teachers are trying to make that happen. I doubt that the focus on higher achievement is causing parents to cut back on lessons in manners; the high achievement is most likely happening despite the lack of etiquette training, thanks to NCLB. And if teachers had the clout to allow them to discipline the brats and louts, I bet they'd find it easier to comply with all the new rules and regulations.
At least one new study, in fact, says the way to improving test scores might be tackling behavior issues, at least for the most severely-affected students. Smart parents already knew that in order for their children to succeed, a foundation of good behavior is required.
Posted by kswygert at November 29, 2005 11:18 AM