Number 2 Pencil

The unfunny world of "situation comedies"

NBC has a new show called Teachers, and if you were hoping it would be a laugh riot, well, you'd be wrong:

We just finished viewing the episode. The only joke that I found amusing was when the stereotypically clueless principal told the buxom newly-hired teacher to "Draw the curtain on the burlesque show," as a way of saying "cover-up your cleavage." As for the rest, I offer-up this prayer to one of the Dark Lords Of Network Television:

O'Dark Prince Of The Peacock Network, Please preserve us from this dumb, cliché-filled, poorly-written, poorly-acted, and unfunny program masquerading-as-comedic-entertainment. If it be your will, make the Nielson Families both blind and apathetic to such idiocy, so that the ratings stay low and result in its swift and just cancellation.

Amen.

The Education Wonks link to quite a few other negative reviews. Even the positive reviews don't sound all that encouraging - who needs a "Boston Public with a laugh track"? It's my impression that to really capture the absurdity of the classroom/school experience, you need black humor and surreality (a la Election, Heathers, or Ferris Beuller), not laugh tracks.

Butterflies for the bee

Geography whiz-kids head to the Central Michigan U campus for some healthy competition - and a shot at a $25,000 college scholarship

Steven Townsend will be nervous tomorrow. As he steps onto the campus of Central Michigan University, stomach butterflies will multiply into bats while he psychs himself up for the 2006 Michigan Geographic Bee. "I will be trying to hope I do well," Townsend said.

As he waits for his name to be called, then steps before the microphone, Townsend will wish hard for a state geography question. That is his specialty. His dad will cheer him on. Townsend, a Meads Mill Middle School seventh grader, said he doesn't really have a particular weakness.

Don't believe him? Take a look at his credentials.

Anyone who reads atlases for fun is a cool kid in my book.

To have and to hold

Part of what's keeping me away from N2P is wedding planning. I'm making sure that everything is scheduled, arranged, and paid for, and this has had a bit of an impact on my time. However, the alternative is certainly ugly:

We can never stress this enough: Don't cheat people you owe out of money for your wedding. A perfectly planned wedding in Swaziland was horribly interrupted because a private investigated was looking for something his client wanted back...the wedding rings. It turns out that the groom bought the wedding rings with a check that bounced. So, mid-ceremony the PI Hunter Shongwe went in and repossessed the wedding rings at the very point when they were to exchange vows with the disputed jewelry.

It's quite possible AmEx will be tracking me down by May, so - ssshhhh! - don't tell them where I'll be.

Goth now, goth forever?

Amusingly, the future lasting effects of the goth culture is only now being researched:

It's every parent's nightmare. Their apparently well-adjusted child suddenly comes home with hair the colour of a coalface, a face whiter than anything made by Dulux, and announces, "Mummy, I'm a goth." However, according to a new study, parents of goths will probably end up boasting about their son/daughter the doctor, lawyer or bank manager. That is the surprising finding of Sussex University's Dunja Brill, whose doctorate in media and cultural studies looked at people with funny hair and eyeliner in London, Brighton and Cologne, and who is herself a former goth.

"Most youth subcultures encourage people to drop out of school and do illegal things," she says. "Most goths are well educated, however. They hardly ever drop out and are often the best pupils. The subculture encourages interest in classical education, especially the arts. I'd say goths are more likely to make careers in web design, computer programming ... even journalism."

Goth began in the 1970's It's interesting to speculate about what today's Hot Topic shoppers will do in the future, and there are an awful lot of adult/former goths to interview today. What are we doing? Did we continue to be geeks with lots of black t-shirts and weird tastes in music, like yours truly?

So perhaps parents shouldn't be too worried that a new generation of goths is cropping up again. There's a goth couple on Coronation Street. Hosein's bands include Black Wire, who wear black eyeliner, winklepickers and sound a lot like the Sisters of Mercy, although they had never heard them until they started rifling through his record collection. For some goths - who run T-shirt businesses or enterprises such as Whitby's biannual Gothic festival - goth can become a livelihood as well as a way of life. But most simply drop back into the mainstream.

Parents should not worry about goth just for the sake of worrying about goth. Researchers and psychologists who have far more experience and knowledge than I note that incidents of teenage violence are much more highly related to parental abuse, substance abuse, and lack of community support than to music or makeup choices.

Delivering a win - and a baby

A surprise delivery for one teen from New Mexico:

It was on a bumpy bus ride home from a basketball game in Questa that 18-year-old Kayla Alire started to have terrible stomach pains.

The senior point guard at Mesa Vista High in Ojo Caliente didn't realize she was experiencing labor pains. She had just played in her last basketball game Feb. 18, a game in which she sank two 3-pointers.

Two hours later, she was at Española Hospital in labor. An hour after arriving, she gave birth to a 6-pound, 4-ounce baby boy no one knew was coming.

I...just...wow.

Dad commits a serious fault

Talk about setting a bad example:

A retired soldier is on trial in France on charges that he drugged the tennis rivals of his children 27 times from 2000 to 2003, a report said. Christophe Fauviau, 46, is accused of unintentionally causing the death of Alexandre Lagardere, 25, by administering anti-anxiety drug Temesta.

Lagardere died in a July 2003 crash while driving home after losing a match to Fauviau's son, Maxime. Authorities say Lagardere had traces of the anti-anxiety drug in his system and may have fallen asleep at the wheel, Sky News reported.

The victim, like other opponents of Fauviau's children, complained of weakness and tiredness during the match and slept for two hours afterward. Prosecutors claim Fauviau drugged six opponents of his son and 21 opponents of his 15-year-old daughter, Valentine.

And we thought murderous hockey dads were bad news.

Wish you were here, wish I wasn't

Parents often urge their kids to go out and see the world. Doesn't look like too many parents are encouraging their kids to travel here, though:

Last week I reported on the contest being sponsored by the North Dakota National Guard which is offering high school students 540 all-expenses paid trips to the Peace Garden State.

So far, fewer than thirty kids have answered the call, and the deadline for entering is February 28. The North Dakota National Guard is offering 10 students from each state and four US territories the opportunity to come to the state in honor of the 200th anniversary of Lewis & Clark's return trip through there.

C'mon, students! Where's your spirit of adventure?

Last year, spam mail. This year, spam roses.

Talk about setting the bar too high. This guy's gonna have a few scary guys waiting for him in a dark alley, after they all get dumped by their girlfriends:

If any female juniors at Cypress Bay High School weren't aware of classmate Paul Kim - they know him now. The 17-year-old junior ordered 500 red roses and had them delivered to nearly all his female classmates on Valentine's Day.

A card attached to the roses said, "To all the lovely ladies of 2007, here's wishing you a Happy Valentine's Day. Affectionately, Paul Kim."
advertisement He said he used money he had been saving since his birthday in December to pay for the roses, which cost about $900.

So, will one of the girls who didn't get a rose allege discrimination, or will one of the girls who did get one claim sexual harassment?

If Cupid were a cat

Happy Valentine's Day to all, from me and my big-footed baby!

And as a bonus, all plates get licked clean!

German restaurant bans little stinky critters that make a lot of noise and disrupt the evening dinner hours:

A German restaurant has drawn protests and plaudits for refusing to give a dinner reservation to a mother who wanted to bring her two small children. Dogs would be welcome, it said, but "here, children are not allowed in the evening."

Jana Schmid, 32, wanted to celebrate a christening with five adults and two small children at the "Boheme" restaurant at Augsburg in southern Germany, the only non-smoking eatery in the area. "We are always being told that Germany must do more for children," she told the weekly Bild am Sonntag.

"And then we are told they are not welcome, all they do is whine and disturb people. It would be unthinkable in countries such as Italy and Spain."

Perhaps dogs aren't as well-behaved in Italy and Spain - you know those German hounds tend to be very disciplined.

I'm sure this has some parents (other than the ones quoted here) infuriated, but I can't help giggling at the thought at fancily-dressed diners breathing a sigh of relief at the lack of loud kiddies in the place, only to be seated next to a beagle who howls along with the violinists.

Problem solving in the 21st century

Warning, teachers - sometimes, you may not want to know:

(Thanks to Brian and everyone else who sent this to me!)

A rose by any other name...

Heh.

Sounds like the Sex Ed teacher is out of a job

I'm sure there are those who think that this is perfectly normal and healthy. I'm sure there are also those who find this disgusting and appalling. I think that these adolescents are merely experiencing the kind of charmingly-narcissistic curiosity that adolescents have always experienced. I just wonder why one of the supposedly-best high schools in NYC tolerates tons of public displays of that curiosity, as though its brightest students can't be taught, or expected, to control their hands and tongues during the school day.

I also wonder how these kids are going to do later on when the world/their professors/their bosses are both unimpressed by and uninterested in their blabbing to complete strangers about their sexuality, and inform them that no matter how stressful the day gets, they don't get to hold a "cuddle puddle" in the break room. Charming narcissism gets tiring after a while.

Their punishment: Being forced to take the SAT

Perhaps something is lost in the translation here:

A highly unusual break-in at a grammar school in Klæbu resulted in a bit of mental exercise. The burglar(s) did not appear to be out after material gain. Instead of stealing, the intruder(s) sat down and began to solve the math problems intended for third grade students, newspaper Adresseavisen reports.

According to local law enforcement officials a good job was done and all of the problems were solved correctly.

There has been nothing reported missing or stolen from the school building and it remains a mystery how the intruder or intruders gained access to the school.

I love the fact that the police, and the reporter, point out the burglar(s) answered the math problems correctly. Would they face more charges if they hadn't?

Munch munch munch...

Good news: I've lost 10 pounds so far, and only have 10 left to go before the wedding.

Bad news: I just bought 8 boxes of Girl Scout Cookies.

Evil, I tell you. EVIL.

Taking a bite out of politics

You know, I really, really tried to resist the urge to report on this story. You know, about the vampire who's running for governor of Minnesota as part the Vampyres, Witches and Pagan party? The one who was promising impalements for terrorists? Whose webpage mentions his devotion to the Dark Lord (no, not Karl Rove)? Who's so obnoxious that even the real vampires and witches are pointing out he's insane and disgusting? Funny as it is, there was just no way I could link this story to an edublog, of all things.

Then I saw that he'd been brought up on charges from Indiana of escape and stalking. The article mentions that part of his platform featured, "an emphasis on education," so I think we can now all agree that this has, officially, become a meaningless phrase.

Oh, and his wife? Recently got fired. From her job as a school bus driver. Apparently the powers-that-be decided she wasn't quite the ideal "role model" for kids. I feel for her, though. She's gotta figure out another way to raise money for bail.

Skirting the issue

Let's all be thankful the rude "ethnicity" teacher from last week didn't have this guy in his class. Or would that skirt be okay for certain "ethnicities", as a Broncos jersey apparently isn't?

Americans Idolizing themselves

I probably won't get much of a chance to blog over the next couple of days, but there's one thing I just have to get off my chest.

Anyone who thinks that American students suffer from a lack of self-esteem, or thinks that that they need to be built up and told that they are special, or thinks that they need to more coddling and shielding from the rough world outside, should be tied to a chair and forced to watch last night's American Idol premiere over and over again.

I mean, good God. There were stadiums full of teenagers who waited in line for days for their chance to get on TV and in front of a group of tough judges, and the majority of them could. Not. SING. Many of them had no talent whatsoever, but they were not shy about barging into a room and warbling horribly in front of cameras. There were oodles of fascinating mental problems on display in those rooms last night, but low self-esteem wasn't one of them. One young fellow sang like your maiden aunt crossed with a parrot; when he got booted, his granny stormed inside to confront Simon. Another young lassie cursed during her song - seriously, they had to bleep out a lot of the lyrics - and when she was dismissed, she told them they could kiss her white ass. The interviews with those who were rejected involved more bleeping of nasty words than your average episode of COPS.

Anyone watching this premiere would come away convinced that, if any group of teenagers needs a class in lowering self-esteem - or at least in forcing their self-opinion to conform to reality - it would be American teenagers. I also now think that Simon Cowell should be teaching at schools of education.

Local paper misses chance to demonize goths

Despite two very recent and horrific murders by young men who could be described as "goth", the Herald-Tribune (FL) has a fairly sympathetic article which points out the relative non-violence of the goth scene:

Trouble sometimes brews at Club Heat in Bradenton, a venue law enforcement knows well. But never on Goth night...

"It's one of the friendliest crowds around," bartender Jeremy Hale, 24, said. "It's probably the only night we've never had a fight."

Goth, a little-understood and hard to define subculture, has cropped up on the news and in everyday conversation after six brutal Manatee County murders. Police and neighbors have described the two murder suspects as Gothic. Now, young people in the Gothic community worry they will be stereotyped as loose cannons and potential killers...

Richard Henderson Jr., a 20-year-old Manatee man known to wear black and paint his nails black in a Goth style, is accused of killing his family at their Myakka City home with a metal pipe on Thanksgiving. And on Sunday, Clifford Davis, 19, a black-clad man with gothic tattoos including a sword across his back, killed his mother and grandfather in Bradenton, authorities say...

Elizabeth Bird, a University of South Florida professor who specializes in pop culture, said young people into the Goth subculture might feel alienated from the mainstream, but are not necessarily troubled or dysfunctional. She said being Goth doesn't translate into violence. "Your average sports fan is probably more violent," Bird said. "If a member of a basketball team does something bad, we don't say that's because he's on the basketball team."

Well, actually, some goths would say that. But the point is well taken.

Posted by kswygert at 09:38 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

Should old job positions be forgot/and never brought to mind?

Happy New Year to everyone (yes, I'm running late)!

I don't know if you all got good news to ring in the new year, but I sure did. I found out right before Christmas that I've been promoted to Senior Psychometrician! Woo-hoo.

Of course, that means less time for the blog...but I'm determined to keep it running, even if I can only put up one or two posts a day. It's frustrating to not have as much time for N2P as I would like, but I've got to focus on what pays the bills.

Dancing and eating for free

Yet another argument for having, as Dave and I plan to, a really small wedding:

As Tovah Choudhury leafs through an album of photos from her wedding last summer, she recalls the friends and relatives at her reception streaming onto the dance floor of Atlanta's InterContinental Hotel -- all familiar faces. Then she comes to the image of a blonde in a sundress and a gray-haired man in a tuxedo and remembers how they danced and the woman laughed and whispered into the man's ear.

And who might they be? Ms. Choudhury hasn't the faintest idea. The pair were wedding crashers -- the bane of a bride's parents, who traditionally foot the bills for the reception and aren't in the mood to subsidize freeloaders. But Ms. Choudhury sees it another way: "I was kind of proud our wedding was such a happening place" that it attracted uninvited guests, she says -- hence the photo of the phonies that now has a place in her wedding album.

Large, unguarded social gatherings have tempted the uninvited for centuries. But, like it or loathe it, the practice of freeloading at nuptial celebrations seems to be on the increase, thanks, at least in part, to "Wedding Crashers," the Owen Wilson-Vince Vaughn comedy that hit movie theaters in July.

I'm with the Farker who planned to have attack dogs in attendence at his reception, with each invited guest having brought a dirty sock for the dog to sniff and keep on file.

Merry Christmas Charlie Brown!

Be sure to join the politically-incorrect brigades watching A Charlie Brown Christmas tonight at 8 pm on ABC:

It's been forty years since A Charlie Brown Christmas debuted on network television, instantly becoming one of the most popular holiday specials of all time. Written by Charles M. Schulz, with Bill Melendez directing and Lee Mendelson as Executive Producer, the show won an Emmy for Outstanding Children's Program, despite initial concerns about the show's leisurely pace, jazz soundtrack, religious theme, and use of children's voices. In December 2005, A Charlie Brown Christmas was named "Best Christmas Special," by TV Guide.

InfoPlease notes that:

Even Schulz admitted that he was probably the only person who could have gotten A Charlie Brown Christmas made. Television executives hated it from the start.

It was criticized as being too religious—Linus quotes straight from the King James Bible (Luke 2:8-14). It was criticized for featuring contemporary jazz, an offbeat choice for a cartoon. It was criticized for not having a laugh track. It was criticized for using the voices of real children (except for Snoopy, who was voiced by animator Melendez).

But it was an instant hit with viewers and reviewers alike.

I'm sure the Llama Butchers aren't the only ones with tears in their eyes when Linus finishes his speech.

Update: Great article from 2000 - the year Charles Schulz died - here. Hugh Hewitt's site also has a recent article by Mary Katharine Ham, who notes, "Thank goodness Shulz made it in 1965. That baby would be a Veggie Tales straight-to-video these days."

Halloween and cats - A photo album

The sparkly wig, suitable for metal shows on Halloween:

The pregnant redneck getup, which pretty much guaranteed that I will never again wear (a) white lace or (b) dark wigs (the camera phone wasn't doing a great job):

One of the cats that used to belong to some friends of mine, now available with his best buddy at the Devon (PA) Petsmart. More information on him here.

Finally, The Last Word Bookshop in West Philly has not one but two store cats. One is shy and babyish; the other is a ham who likes to sleep in the front window:

At some schools, you'd need witchcraft to make test scores rise

A Utah teacher was fired in 2003 over concerns about witchcraft, and the whole matter is now coming out in the civil trial:

Some community members in Monroe were concerned that Erin Jensen might believe in witchcraft, witnesses testified Thursday, and at least one janitor wondered why the English teacher resisted having her classroom cleaned.

The talk grew, with the cleaning staff saying that the classroom windows were covered with black paper and someone even claiming that Jensen "kept blood in the fridge." Finally, after receiving several calls between them, two Sevier School District board members shared what they had been told with Superintendent Brent Thorne.

"We didn't ask him to act on it [the information]," said Carolyn Washburn, one of the board members. Washburn, who left the board in 2004, said she did not take the allegations seriously. But she acknowledged parental concerns that Jensen told her class some people believe in witchcraft were part of the reason she voted to uphold Thorne's decision to fire Jensen.

Minutes from a board meeting about Jensen included the following:

Besides the statements about Jensen's actions at the training seminar, the minutes said: "She also believes in witchcraft and paints her windows in her classroom black. Halloween is her favorite holiday and she doesn't hide the fact she prefers the dark side."

That segment was later taken out as an "inaccuracy", but it's very telling that it was inserted in the first place to describe Jensen, who claims to be of no religion - including not being a practicing member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Well, if she's looking for work, there's always Wal-Mart.

A view from the inside - of the skull

If you live anywhere near Philadelphia, run, do not walk to the Body Worlds exhibit at the Franklin Insitute. You HAVE to see it – especially if you have kids who are into science and aren’t skeeved out by the idea of dead bodies. I went last night and it’s one of the most amazing things I’ve ever seen.

That photo on the first page of this link? That’s a real person, as are all the other bodies and body parts shown in the exhibit. You can see more photos of them here.

From the website:

What is BODY WORLDS? Gunther von Hagens' BODY WORLDS: The Anatomical Exhibition of Real Human Bodies, is a first-of-its-kind exhibit in which guests learn about anatomy, physiology, and health by viewing real human bodies, preserved through an extraordinary method called "plastination." The exhibition features more than 200 authentic human specimens, including entire bodies as well as individual organs and transparent body slices. Using the revolutionary process of plastination, the body specimens are preserved with special plastics that enable us to view the many organs and systems under our skin. The exhibit also allows for guests to understand diseases, the effects of tobacco consumption, and use of artificial supports such as knees and hips.

That's right. Lots of dead bodies, all plastinated and in various arrangments - some with just muscles, some with just arteries, some with just bone. Some have all the parts there but have been taken apart and rearranged so you can see everything. One memorable fellow was largely intact except for his skin - which was also plastinated and draped over his right arm like a long coat.

The joys of statistics

Top Ten Reasons to Become a Statistician:

10. Deviation is considered normal.
9. We feel complete and sufficient.
8. We are mean lovers.
7. Statisticians do it discretely and continuously.
6. We are right 95% of the time.
5. We can safely comment on someone's posterior distribution.
4. We may not be normal but we are transformable.
3. We never have to say we are certain.
2. We are honestly significantly different.
1. No one wants our jobs.

All I can say is, #5 has given me plenty of good times as I've used it to flirt discreetly in class (or send naughty emails to female friends in my field).

And on that note, I'll see you guys on Monday - I'll be vacationing in NYC all weekend.

Three in a row

Via LlamaButchers and others, there's a new meme spreading 'round the blogosphere: Three Things. Here's my take on them:

THREE THINGS I DON’T UNDERSTAND:

1. Why everyone seems to wears jeans or sweatpants all the time.
2. "Anti-war" protests
3. Spinning hubcaps.

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:

1. A huge jar half-filled with Hershey's Kisses.
2. A photo of my dearly-departed Arizona Mountain Kingsnake
3. Kolen & Brennan's Test Equating

THREE THINGS I’M DOING RIGHT NOW:

1. Waiting on an analyst to give me a calibration dataset.
2. Fighting with SAS to make it give me the boxplots I want.
3. Listening to Meat Beat Manifesto.

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:

1. Visit the Galapagos Islands and swim with marine iguanas.
2. Learn how to strike a match with only one hand.
3. Visit a fresh crime scene with a homicide detective (NB: not if the victim is someone I know).

THREE THINGS I CAN DO:

1. Cartwheels.
2. Give a cat a pill, quickly and easily (seriously!)
3. Make linear regression equations understandable to college students.

THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:

1. Balanced.
2. Sarcastic.
3. Extroverted.

THREE THINGS I CAN’T DO:

1. Drink tequila.
2. Play chess.
3. Balance a chemical equation.

THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:

1. Me.
2. Lacuna Coil.
3. Someone who's gone to the trouble to read the original source.

THREE THINGS I DON’T THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO EVER:

1. Commercials.
2. Gangsta Rap.
3. Anyone who prefaces a comment to you with, "You know, I hate to tell you this, but..."

THREE THINGS I SAY:

1. "You have GOT to be kidding me."
2. "Who's my cutest little baby kitty ever?"
3. "If I have to go to one more meeting today, I'm going to kill someone."

THREE THINGS I'D LIKE TO LEARN:

1. Patience.
2. How to tell jokes in public speeches.
3. How to eat chocolate without gaining weight.

THREE BEVERAGES I DRINK REGULARLY:

1. Hot tea
2. Vodka
3. Guinness

THREE SHOWS I WATCHED WHEN YOU WERE A KID:

1. Tom & Jerry.
2. G-Force
3. The Mickey Mouse Show.

THREE THINGS I WISH PEOPLE WOULD LEARN TO DO:

1. Look at the big picture
2. Not be afraid of statistics
3. Look before they leap, especially with respect to romantic partners and traffic intersections

Cinema Kimberly

One reason that I haven't been blogging as much is because my theater attendance frequency has gone up quite a bit.

Two weekends ago I saw both Serenity and Tim Burton's Corpse Bride. I fell in love with the crew of Serenity within five minutes, despite never having seen the TV show it was based upon, and now Dave and I are planning on getting a copy of Firefly on DVD and having a marathon.

Corpse Bride, on the other hand, stunk. The plot was much more boring than it should have been, none of the (one-dimensional) characters had any backstory, and there wasn't a memorable song in the entire feature.

Last night I treated myself to Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit, which its creator referred to as, "the first horror movie for vegetarians." It was the kind of movie that doesn't require a review, because if you love W&G, you will absolutely love the movie, and if you don't love W&G, then, what the hell's the matter with you, anyways?

This weekend, Dave and I will be traveling to NYC to see, among other things, Mirrormask. I'd never heard of this until recently and can't believe how gorgeous/dark/mysterious it looks from the trailer.

Sneaking into school

It's "Never Been Kissed" with a twist:

27-year-old Guatemalan man arrested for posing as an 18-year-old Pasco County high school student told authorities he enrolled because he wanted to learn English and get a good education. Josue Oswaldo Ramirez-Mejia was arrested Tuesday and charged with uttering a forged instrument. He was being held on $5,000 bail.

Ramirez-Mejia used forged documents, including a Guatemalan birth certificate stating his birthday as Jan. 3, 1987, to enroll last month at J.W. Mitchell High School, officials said. Someone also posed as his guardian, according to the sheriff's office.

"Everything seemed to be in place," said Jim Davis, an assistant superintendent with the school district. Ramirez-Mejia was a good student and hadn't caused any problems, Davis said.

If he's almost 30 but can pass for 18, I say give him a diploma and let him get on with his life, because he's got things tough enough as it is.

No, doctor, I didn't say I was a pony, I said I was a little horse

Does anyone out there use Advair? Is anyone else suffering from one of its more common side effects, semi-permanent hoarseness?

I'm not getting sick (hallelujah), but I now sound like a three-pack-a-day smoker. While that voice might come in handy when I want to present a racy image, it tends to make me feel self-conscious at work. Has anyone had any luck with lozenges, or anything like that?

Bopping for a good cause

You have to love educators who use the one real weapon that adults have against kids - the power to annoy - to raise money for hurricane relief:

Delone Catholic High School in McSherrystown, Pa., has a fun fundraising program called "Stop the Bop." Suggested by a few members of the student council, the school is playing Hanson's 1996 hit "MMMBop" through the loudspeakers before classes begin, between periods and during lunch. The idea? Annoy students into donating; have them pay to stop the music.

The goal is $3,000, which could be reached if each of the 659 students donates $5. "MMMBop" has been playing since Wednesday, and the school has raised about $2,300 so far...

"Kids have said, 'If I give you a blank check, will you stop this music?' " Cox says. "People are just, like, some people give twenties. You say, 'Thank you very much.' They say, 'No, we just want it to end. Even though it's for a good cause, we just want it to end.'

Next up - the use of Barry Manilow and Neil Diamond songs to raise test scores.

Ms. Cheesy Goth strikes again

Remember how happy I was when I discovered black vodka, and how I said I didn't care if it made me seem like a stereotypical bonehead goth who was into stuff just for the spooky aspect of it?

I'm just getting worse. I just downloaded Tubular Bells, aka the theme from The Exorcist, as my cell phone ringtone, and I can't tell you how happy it makes me. I just love that song. I listened to the album as a kid long before I ever saw the movie, so I don't find it scary.

But I'd be lying if I said I didn't like the fact that my phone will now creep some people out. So if anyone knows where I can download the theme from Halloween for a Samsung camera phone, I'd like that one too.

The answer to California's school troubles?

While drug use, teenage pregnancy, and failing school programs are the factors that negatively affect the American high school graduation rate, the Aussies have a different set of problems:

An Australian high school hopes to stop beach-loving students from bailing out of class by making surfing an approved subject, according to The Associated Press. Byron Bay High School will offer surfing as part of a recreation course that from next year will count toward a high school certificate in New South Wales state.

"You've got students who are at risk of dropping out of school and the school has developed this course as a way to provide a pathway for these students into future employment and keep them connected to education," state Education Minister Carmel Tebbutt said.

Only in Australia would a surfing course be suggested as (a) a way to keep kids in school and (b) means to gain meaningful future employment. Perhaps California towns with high waves and low test scores could follow suit?

The Art of being a Barbie doll

Mattel is jumping on the "kids-don't-get-enough-exposure-to-the-arts-these-days" bandwagon (emphases mine):

Aug. 29 - Sept. 5, 2005 issue - Who said Lindsay Lohan couldn't get any smaller? The teen starlet's new doll, part of Mattel's My Scene line, is now arriving in a slinky red-carpet gown. Also sold separately: a limo, a dressing room and an ... animated DVD?

Girls used to be able to get a doll's backstory from the back of its box. But that's changing, as more retailers release straight-to-video productions that help introduce new characters—and sell more dolls...

Parents might see the movies as underhanded advertising. But Mattel, which has sold nearly 27 million Barbie films worldwide since 2001, doesn't agree. "Kids see through that," says Rob Hudnut, vice president of entertainment development. "We're trying to fill a void in the education system in teaching kids about the arts."

Uh-huh. If Mattell wants to sell DVDs along with dolls, more power to them. But to claim this is somehow "teaching kids about the arts" is pretty absurd.

Doing good doesn't require looking good

While Alexander Russo suggests that perhaps education reformers aren't generally the best-looking bunch in the world, I say beauty is as beauty does.

Which, to me, means one ugly but sincere reformer pushing for higher standards and better education is worth ten Wonkettes.

(I just want to say to the Education Wonks that I bet they're even better looking in person.)

Mini-vacation, here I come

Ya'll enjoy the next few days of summer; Number 2 Pencil has a little weekend hiatus coming up and will resume on Monday.

If you hear screaming, that'll be me, in the front car of this.

Update: Woo. HOO. It was a bit difficult to keep our eyes open when traveling at 128 miles per hour, but the ride came to an almost complete stop at the crest of the 458-foot hill. The view from there was, as you can imagine, spectacular - and the sheer drop from there wasn't bad, either. It was worth the looong wait to sit in the front car.

Obesity is not the main problem here

The Philadelphia school district is trying to figure out a way to get local students to eat more healthily:

When a Philadelphia school district recently slimmed down its lunch offerings and banned sodas from vending machines, educators hoped the moves would help stem the tide of childhood obesity. But as school officials continued to see an overweight student body, they began to suspect that the real culprit behind the children's weight problems was lurking beyond school walls.

A survey of 600 Philadelphia students found that more than 50 percent of them stop at corner stores on the walk to or from school, spending an average of $2 each day...

School officials find a challenge in providing a solution. While it's easier to regulate the foods kids are served at school, it is much more difficult to keep them away from the corner store. In fact, some nutritionists say it's impossible. Instead, the schools have set up mock corner stores, teaching students how to make healthier choices. Students who put that knowledge to work are rewarded with school supplies and raffle tickets.

I found this link via Big Fat Blog, whose commenters are often well-spoken on the topic of promoting health at any size. Two commenters, though, went off on rants that I thought were particularly amusing:

...when the fat police start going after School District of Philadelphia, I start getting pissed. The district is 80% indigent, about 85% minority (well above if we take out the magnet and Center City schools), and performing below basic skills level in all areas. I feel this edge of latent racism/classism every time I read about the district in the national news. I fail to see why concentrating on obesity has any importance when some of these kids can't read, when some of them live without heat in the middle of February, when I've been to welfare houses that have roaches crawling on the walls and the children alike and that don't have a single piece of furniture...

Well said. Another commenter goes to the point even more bluntly:

Another thing about that little "mock store" -- I'd rather see them teaching kids HOW TO COUNT CHANGE than "how to make healthy choices."

I have had a number of jobs in which I was responsible for hiring cashiers -- and let me tell ya -- I DID keep stats on that, and 80% of the applicants FOR CASHIER POSITIONS did NOT know how to count back change for a $2.29 purchase, even after being SHOWN an example of how to do it correctly...

If they couldn't do it the first time, I SHOWED the applicant HOW to do it, and then gave them another similar question. 80% of APPLICANTS FOR A CASHIER JOB *STILL* could not do it correctly even after being shown how.

That is a skill they SHOULD be teaching in school (at a little "mock store" or HOWEVER...) -- not how to make "healthy food choices" (GRRR).

Both commenters have a point. When students from Philly schools are struggling so hard to master basic skills, was it really a good use of time and resources to call in Penn's mapping experts to figure out how many pizzerias and cheese-steak shops are near the schools?

This would make the AERA conference a whole lot more fun

It's about time - the edu-jargon drinking game:

...here is a list of 24 jargony words to drink by. Special thanks to all of those who played along, and to all those who will hoist a few henceforth. The rules are simple: Each time you hear one of these often-used words from the education world, take a swig of whatever makes you happy...

My favorites: "Differentiated instruction," "Self-directed learning" and "Higher order thinking." My only complaint is the title of the Eduwonk's post. Blenders are for amateurs.

The way to save is to behave

The British government plans to give kids money to be used only in acceptable venues:

Controversial plans to pay teenagers not to be yobs will be introduced across the country after a trial in the West, it was announced yesterday. Children from poor families will get up to £12 a month in pocket money from the Government to spend on sports or cultural activities, or even high street shops. But they risk being stripped of the cash if they get mixed up in crime and anti-social behaviour.

Critics are likely to accuse Ministers of rewarding teenagers simply for behaving well, something they should do anyway. But the Government has been hugely impressed by a project run by Splash-Wiltshire which pioneered the use of discount cards, and believes it helps crackdown on yob culture.

The charity distributes £10 discount cards to vulnerable and poor teenagers which can be used to pay for activities ranging from adventure sports to drama.

It sounds more like a coupon than cash, but if the purpose is to get kids into the sports or drama culture, shouldn't they be sure to give these cards to kids who are at the highest risk; i.e., those who do have criminal problems? I mean, if we want to give those kids another option, why take away that option once the kid gets into trouble?

And what if the kids aren't interested in the coupons, because the lure of being a "yob" is too exciting? Hope the government has another trick up its sleeve.

Harry Potter mania

This weekend, at least, the reading stats were up (good thing that NAEP reading survey took place before this latest installment went on sale):

The sixth installment of the Harry Potter series is getting high marks from Muggle kids across the region, with many having digested the 652-page tome in a single weekend.

"It was the best beginning of any book I've ever read," raved 10-year-old Nathan Kastner of Rockville, sounding like a mini Roger Ebert. "The beginning was so interesting and unexpected. It really leaves you wondering what's going to happen next"...

The first book, "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone," released in 1998, became a publishing phenomenon. And just as the characters have grown throughout the series -- in the last installment, Harry was a sometimes surly 15-year-old prone to bouts of self-pity -- so too have its readers. Indeed, many of the Washington area fans interviewed yesterday said they continue to see themselves in the characters of Harry, Ron and Hermione, who are now dealing with tougher classes and more complicated relationships.

At Woodley Gardens in Rockville, where five area swim teams gathered yesterday for the annual B Relay Carnival, copies of "Half-Blood Prince" were everywhere. Even a few parents were spied sneaking peeks at the book between events.

I have been informed, by colleagues of mine here at work who are mothers, and thus are watching their budgets more carefully than I, that I am expected to bring the book in for lending ASAP. Good thing I finished it this weekend. I liked it - but it's definitely different, and I understand why there are some seriously negative reviews on Amazon.com.

A Starbucks Frappucino with a shot of espresso at 11:30 pm is always a good thing

Guess where I was at 12:01 am on Saturday morning?

Yes, I know, I'm a dork. A dork who is only about 3/4 of the way through the book.

Popping the (multiple-choice) question

Heh.

A law student was so bored with his final year paper that he stood up in the middle of the exam and asked his girlfriend to marry him.

Student Edin Smailovic, 29, requested permission to address the rest of the students during an economic law exam at Bijelo Polje University in Montenegro. Examiners gave their permission believing he had a query regarding the paper that was also of importance to the rest of the group.

But after approaching the front of the room he got down on one knee and asked his 26-year-old girlfriend, Edita Bikic, who was also sitting the exam, to marry him.

She said yes.

Had I been teaching when this happened, I don't know that I could have done much; the student could have argued that my syllabus didn't explicitly prevent marriage proposals during exams. I would have been a bit miffed to keep hearing about how "bored" the student was by the exam, though.

My day

If anyone wonders why I've been posting up a storm today, it's because I was worked from home. My skin, which is more sensitive to slights than a Kerry-voting PETA supporter, reacted badly to the sunscreen I slathered on it Sunday. A neck-to-ankles rash didn't keep me home from work yesterday, but I was so uncomfortable in my turtleneck and long sleeves that I figured I'd work from home today and let my skin recover. Thank God for Caladryl.

In addition to the multitude of posts, I had to finish up my talk for the upcoming International Meeting of the Psychometric Society in Tilburg, the Netherlands. Practice talk is tomorow, real talk is next Tuesday at 4 pm (Tilburg time), and I'm fretting away. (The title of my talk is, "A hierarchical linear model approach for modeling item response times on a large-scale certification exam,” should you care).

Staying home today, I reverted to my old graduate schools ways, which was to procrastinate madly through housework. So, in addition to the blogging and the presentation, I washed eight loads of clothes, de-cat-haired the sofas and the rugs, vacuumed the whole house, and cleaned the bathroom. Boy, this place was a sty - and it will revert to styhood by the time I return from my trip, but I suppose that can't be helped. To plagiarize Dave Barry, my fiance, like most men, doesn't notice dirt until it forms clumps large enough to support plant life.

A Sunday of Metal

Yesterday - the Sounds of the Underground tour at Festival Pier in Philly. Dave and I had a great time:

I was representin' for Slayer, thank you very much:

.

Good show, although we left a bit early (after Opeth). I finally got to see Gwar for the first time (no, I didn't stand up front!).

Adding my data

If you blog, be sure to check out MIT's survey of bloggers and blogs by clicking on the image below.

Oddball roundup

Devoted Reader Reginleif uncovered a hysterical exchange over school lunches on a community message board. The discussion starts when a mother asks if it's legal for her to deliver a fresh lunch to her child's school at lunchtime every day, and it's obvious she's not prepared to deal with any questions about her method. (And before you ask - no, the kid doesn't have any life-threatening food allergies.)

Early school bells: The Evil Plan of the Morning People. Slate suggests that letting your cranky night owl teen catch a few more z's is more important than making her get up early for breakfast.

No more skirts! In a desperate attempt to deal with what must be a rash of micro-minis, one British junior high school has decreed that all students will wear full-length trousers as part of their uniforms. Now, if only they'd done something about those ridiculously short shorts I had to wear in gym class, back in 1982.

Turning winners into losers

In my first-ever fiance-submitted link (thanks, Dave!) we have a tale of two youth baseball teams in Ohio.

No one misbehaved. No one broke any rules. But after only a few games, the Columbus Stars have been kicked out of a recreational youth baseball league in Canal Winchester.

The players, ages 11 and 12, were deemed too good.

On May 9, the Stars beat the Red Sox, 18-0. Two weeks later, the Stars also beat World Harvest, 13-0. But the biggest blowout occurred on May 27, when the Stars defeated Sugar Grove II, 24-0. Sugar Grove I lost to the Stars the next day, 10-2.

"After hearing and seeing the scores from that group, I called up the league office and said, ‘No way are we going to play them,’ " said Terry Morris, who coaches one of three teams from Bloom-Carroll schools in Fairfield County. "I wasn’t going to subject my players to that." Other teams started complaining. And canceling. The Stars were pulled from the league schedule. The team appealed to the league’s commissioner, Joe Bernowski, to no avail.

Though I'm surprised to admit it, I can sort of see the point to all this. The Stars clearly are too good to be on this schedule. It's not likely that all the best players would come from one zip code and assemble under a great coach, but it's not impossible, either. If it appears that every other team will get trashed, perhaps the Stars should be playing the older boys.

On the other hand, at what point does parental concern for self-esteem trump the rights of children to play? The Stars have won every game so far, but what if they'd lost one? Or two? What if only one game had been a blowout? Does kicking them out of the league now encourage parents to complain in a future situation which seems less cut-and-dried? Will parents now rush to boot out any team that seems just a tad too over-qualified? And note that it is in fact the parents being quoted here as the complainers.

A tie by any other name

Maryland high school senior Thomas Benya found himself short one diploma for allegedly being short a tie at graduation. His argument - that a bolo tie is a tie:

High-school officials are withholding Thomas Benya's diploma because he wore a bolo tie under his graduation gown. Benya, 17, said he prefers the string bolo ties over traditional knotted ties to reflect his Native American heritage.

But officials from Maurice J. McDonough High School in suburban Washington, D.C., said they warned him that a bolo violated the dress code for the event, held Wednesday for about 250 students.

The bolo "was not considered by staff to be a tie," said Katie O'Malley-Simpson, a school spokeswoman. "We have many opportunities throughout the year to express cultural heritage. But we don't do that at graduation."

At the risk of sounding like a snotty East Coast chick, I though bolo ties went out with the 80's. Apparently they're still high-fashion in some parts of the world, and then there's the "cultural heritage" issue. Frankly, I think a school should be free to set as strict a dress code as they desire for graduation, and also quite frankly, they should be glad their first "dress code vs. cultural expression" clash wasn't over something more, er, colorful.

The politicians are on the case, as Montana governor Brian Schweitzer is in high dudgeon over the whole affair:

A Charles County high school's decision to deny a diploma to a senior who wore a bolo tie to graduation didn't offend just the student and his family. Montana's governor is mighty annoyed, too.

"To have some high school say that a bolo tie is not a tie is an outrage," said Gov. Brian Schweitzer (D), who called The Washington Post yesterday after reading an article about 17-year-old Thomas Benya.

"In Montana and anyplace in Indian country, a bolo tie is dressed up. A tie is a tie," Gov. Brian Schweitzer says. "In Montana and anyplace in Indian country, a bolo tie is dressed up," he said. "A tie is a tie."

Clothes makes the (sales)man

The Farkers were right to slap the "Obvious" tag on this one -